Living Loud

But I’m really moving over to morethanfine soon, and I’ll still watch this space from time to time.

(via eletheowl)

This is so true..

alovesogreat:

I’m hurting so much its not even funny. I just feel as if I have lost total control of my life: church, my friends. I have lost myself and I desperately need to find the real me back. I need to regain whatever I have lost, I need to so damn badly.

I’m hurting because I’m afraid. So afraid of what’s happening now. So afraid of the many things that have happened this week. I feel like a coward, a weakling. I want to run back and hide in mummy’s arms. But i know if I do that, I will never ever grow up.

I started hurting so badly when I read your blog post today. Reminded me of everything that happened. D, your words echoed mine. Both your words echoed mine. Words I never once actually mentioned. The fact that I can get so hurt by someone who understands me so much just scares me.

I feel so afraid for you Y. I want you to let it go. I want you to learn to let people into your life. I want you to be able to get hurt. I want you to realise that in a relationship getting hurt is worth it so long as you really do care about the other party. I have gotten hurt once in sec 3, you have too, the one that split our clique up? Remember? Of course you do, the amount of pain we went through together just made it so fresh in my head. I’m getting hurt again. It hurts so badly but its okay, she’s my best friend and I think its worth the hurt. But you can’t take it anymore can you? Do you know it really scares me how you can be so adamnant about something that involves D. I know its just the fear of having to go through the hurt that is stopping you from doing alot of things. I do believe that she’s worth the hurt. Painful as it will get, its all worth it. I miss us very terribly. I hate having to cry on my own. I hate it especially now.

I have been failing. And i hate it. I don’t like this feeling of failure. I don’t do failures. Why is everything failing so badly now? What have I been doing with my life this year? What have I accomplished. Was giving up the exco position what I should have done? Its no time for regrets, no my apologies, there’s no point in regretting now. What’s done done.

To another you. I’m afraid because I’m confused. Do you know what I want exactly? Do you know how much I’m afraid of losing you? Do you know that because of that, I’ve been constantly reminding myself what I want to do with my life. I have been trying to keep myself focused. But its not working, please don’t ever mention it again, help me will you? You know what, I feel quite worried for you. I don’t know why. I saw that picture. I wonder how you hold up. If that ever happened to me, I would feel so crushed. But close as we may be, we never ever do talk about that. I just wonder how you actually are. Beneath all those smiles and everything, I wonder if you’re hurting badly. I do love you, and you know that right?

My life’s in ruins. I feel so messed up. I need someone to catch me, hold me down and talk to me. Get my life back in order. I need to be in control of things. I have never felt like this before. I feel so insecure its amazing how confident I was feeling just 2 hours ago.

I want to be a little girl all over again. I want to be able to be protected. I want to be able to feel safe and free from hurt. I want to live in a world full of happiness, sun, strawberries and fun. I think I want too many things for my own good. I’m just too idealistic right? I have got to grow up don’t I?

I want to talk to mummy but she’s busy helping Carman, I can’t give her added stress. And daddy is away. Plus I don’t think daddy can actually help me much. I just need to see daddy and for him to tell me everything will be alright.

I need God back in my life.

20 more mins to seeing daddy.

I’m always here if you need to talk, love :) Come for tk+cedar cell as well on Saturday?

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn’t know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren’t so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you’d just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

“The Quarter-Life Crisis” by unknown

But sometimes it’s how we all respond to it.

(via readyforbattle)

will-r:

Hid them in a cereal box, put it in the garbage, taking it to the curb… Mission acomplished? Sin thwrated again!

You are the funniest, Will :)